Sunday, June 15, 2008 2:58 AM

I wondered, What has happened.

♥There is so much so much tat has happened in these 1 week that i din post, So much that suddenly, i found myself turning emo for the 1st time in 2008. First time i called Someone to talk, first time that someone saw that UNGLAM side of me. And that someone is none other then my dear fren, SARAH. Thanks dude, Really appreciate that.

This week, Somebody passed away, a child of my sis pen pal in New Jersy, USA. That child got hit by a drunk driver and died. DAMN that drunk driver, May My curse be with him all eternity. And Obviously, i got shocked. We were like family Friends to each other, we communicate through the net with our webcams and stuffs. My God. It's just so unfair.

Loads of work that acutally stress me up that i found myself losing my sanity as the day passed. The sanity that saved me and last me till now, is fading all away that i could barely stop it. But i find that ppl are stimulating the lost of my own sanity that they fail to understand and see that the KELVIN that they thought of all along was actually fading away slowly and disappearing as the days passed. I reflected alot on Friday, during the class BBQ. The class BBQ turns out nice afterall, even though the planning part was like havoc. Talked alot to one of my classmates, then night time comes, I got emo, Seriously i did. And i was not thinking properly at all. I reached home i got online and to find myself getting into another conflict over trivial matters. All i can say for that incident is, if thats what you say everytime, then prepare to lose all those around you soon. Because al you ever felt was ppl giving excuses, lousy excuses, defending themselves.

And then, the final straw that drove me down the spiral, is a student that i trained sometime in apr, he came to talk to me online. And he really affected my mood super Big Time, I dun blame him, but it just that when you're down, you're not in the mood to do any advice giving. But I still did, then he told me that he took a few tablets of panadol and stuffs, its like, OMG, no, and everything just kicks in, he went offline, and i just went all the way down, down down down, that i did something i in a correct mind would not.

I went to talk to someone whom i'm no longer on good terms with, my junior. And i just messed up everything. I guess, its a really no play btw us already. Forget it, why do i even care, FUCK IT. Then i called Sarah, i talk to her rather long, then afer that it seems that i'm slightly okay, i also would not wan to hold up too long, cuz she is at her fren's house, its not appropriate. But sarah, i'm losing my sanity as the days passed. I'm sorry, I know that to you, I'm one of the most sensible person that you know, but, even sensible ppl got a down side of them. I've lived my life the way i wanted, I've done my best in all the things i want to do, But i'm losing sanity as issues after issues keep rolling at me. I though i've got a good year for 2008, Someone destroyed it for me, sad news came along, ppl i'm counselling just revert back to their old ways, studies are so fucking stress, the school thinks that we are robot. INSANITY. The innocence of my sanity is gone.

I said in a few post backed, that i need to recollect my feelings and thoughts this hols, I guess i seriously need to. I decided, I'll be on MIA 4 weeks from 23 June to 23 July. Sorry, but i think, i need to get back the innoncence of my sanity, My future, my dreams depends all on it, The moment it is gone, everything goes with it, my life, my freams, my future my goals. But should i fail to, I'm sorry, especially to sarah, whom i've gotta to disappoint, if i lose my sanity, thats the last thing you would want to see of me. To be truthful, I'm crying out of a lonely world. I've been watching Jap Dramas by Hirokita Maki, her Dramas so far are all meaningful, that i've some how managed to cope with all my probs so far, I reconmmend NOBUTA WO PRODUCE. The lead actor, a fren to all in school, actually leads a lonely life, And to say and embarassed to say, I found my life damn simaliar like his.

When ppl lose something then they will treasure. To my junior, Maybe when you lose me, you wld treasure by then? The innocence of my sanity... once gone, Forever we'll say Good Bye to ME.

I wish...